5.22.2008

I Never Knew...


How strongly I was attached to our golden retriever...
How much her snoring was a strange comfort...
How much her incessant following me from room to room would be so dearly missed...
That her need to be near us, at all times, wasn't really an annoyance after all...
That her expressive eyes would become one of my favorite ways she had about her...
That someday I'd miss hearing the rustling noises coming from the kitchen...
That I'd gladly let her steal my burger if I could again...
That the love she gave stole a piece of my heart...
That our beloved Zuzu was fatally ill...
Until that dreadful day when we took her to the vet and heard his words, cutting like a knife, ripping out those parts of my heart that I had no idea she occupied...
Amidst sobbing children and stoic husband we said goodbye to our sweet girl. So many tears. Where is the spring that sends them forth in such abundance? Is there nothing that can limit their flow?

Maybe at times like this the crying is for more than the lost friend. Perhaps the oppressive melancholy gives one permission to cry for other lost beloveds. Cry for the first child to leave the nest - not soon enough for the son itching to be a man in the world - too soon for a mother's timeline. I'm not ashamed that I want my children close to me... Bravely I've let him go on his own and I try not to call too often. But I'm lonely for him. Truly only just yesterday he was a little boy. Cry for the daughter turning 18; bolstered by age to need no one. She's still here with us, but I'm already lonely for her. Cry for the passing of friends and loved ones into eternity. It's lonely without them. Cry for the sweet, sweet doggie who had to be wherever we were. Lonely. Cry. And so the deluge comes.

Oh how we miss her...
We begin many sentences these days with "remember when Zuzu would...." In time the raw sadness will give way to a mellow reminiscense - we'll smile and fondly share with each other a "zuzu anecdote."

To say that a dog is "man's best friend" is no longer a cliche to this girl...in fact, I do believe, in some small measure, our great God has manifested a portion of His infinite love to us through our faithful companion. And ZuZu was that, if nothing else, faithful and ever-loving. A gift indeed.

11 comments:

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet golden. We have a 8 year old golden. We had never had one before but are sure they are the PERFECT loving dogs. How sweet your gal companion was and sure she will be missed. I'm a firm believer if you have a golden then you understand the LOVE they have for you. You just can't understand the GOLDENS LOVE if you don't have one.
Sarah
http://vintagelily.typepad.com/

Dawn said...

Oh, how sad for you all...
I remember the day we had to put down our little Pierre. Sad.

Enjoy your wonderful memories of your golden.

Alison Gibbs said...

Oh Michele, so sorry that you have lost your sweet dog. She is sure to be missed by you all. They are really an extra member of the family not a pet.
Alison

Anonymous said...

Michele,

What a nice tribute to
Zuzu. I still miss her every
time i come over.
She loved to eat....
BACON...BACON...BACON....Ah
the memories.
What a happy dog...

My love to you
and the family.

The Rusty Canary
Jane.

vintage paper bella~andrea said...

Oh my .I am so sorry .What a sweet dog , I love her already ..those are the best dogs.. i would get another one for sure.. Hope your heart feels better soon!

Therese Kramer said...

Oh, how I understand your sorrow. Our creatures are so faithful and their love unconditional. Thank you for blogging me. I am sorry I did not w/b sooner. My visit up state was absolutly wonderful!! Your blog is beautiful and I admire your work. I send wishes that your heart be light and your memories bring you good days. Therese

Natalea said...

Michele, I'm so sorry to come visit your blog and find this sad news. Just yesterday my mom and I had a big discussion about her golden retriever and how soon it would be his time...he's 11 years old. I know just what a loss you are feeling...I hope that time will help you and your family heal.
xo natalea

Melissa Lobdell, Little Melfred's Studio said...

Oh Michelle,

Hugs to you and your family. I'm so sorry!

xo-Mel

ltthings said...

Was checking out your blog from Etsy Cottage Style, so sad to see your news aboout your beloved friend, our pets do become so much a part of our lives! A big hug to you & your family !!

Tina said...

Oh My Dear,
Yes it is so very painful when a dear pet passes on. You physically feel the heartache and "hole" within the heart.
Your words are so familiar~about having permission to cry also for all the other losses and future losses~or changes.
You should write as well as do your art.
I hope you are feeling better now~
Tina

jthom03 / Jan Thomason / thomranch@hctc.net said...

I came to your blog from speckled egg and was so sad to read this post. in fact, i'm still crying.
they become one of our children, don't they? our dogs?
and your son going off to college.
another pain i can feel with you - we are sending our third son off to college this fall.
i'm already sad.
i didn't think i would be but i am.
seems we have some things in common.
i'm going to add your blog to my favorites if that's okay with you. i think it's a fine idea.

warmly,
jan thomason